8. If I Build It, Will They Come?
Building a Retreat in Panama
The story of Vista Cañas—a nature and book retreat born on a rainforest trail and built around my three deepest passions. Plus an honest, bittersweet update on how the dream evolved.
As I shared in my very first post, my life has been a lot like one of those (really long) dot-to-dots I did as a kid. When I could finally see the big picture, I knew right where to go next. No more envying, no more dreaming…it was time to make a solid plan for building a retreat.
In early 2018, I stood on a vacant lot (dot) in Playa Venao, Panamá, and knew this was where I'd build it.
Why am I building a retreat???
There's a fairly long line of people who believe I made a mistake buying property in Panamá before renting. I imagine those same people would believe the same about me building a retreat.
Maybe they're right, maybe they're not.
What I do know is that I have several things working in my favor:
- An extensive and successful background in real estate and designing and building a home (some of which will help me in Panamá)
- Being super low maintenance and super highly adaptable
- A personal philosophy that the grass is greenest wherever you water it
- The retreat will also be my home (and it will not have a bar or restaurant)
- Being a digital nomad (so I'm not relying on the retreat for financial survival)
- My strong intuition and fierce determination
- My life philosophy that I'd rather regret the things I've done than the things I did not
If I had to pinpoint it, I'd guess that my dream of building a retreat was conceived on a meandering trail in a Costa Rican rainforest. The father was a passionate nature guide whose love for his life, and the nature around him, was palpable.
He showed me what was possible and, from then on, I had fantasies of building a retreat on a regular basis.
While chilling in Caye Caulker, Belize, I would dream of having a few of my own colorful beach bungalows.
During several travel therapy sessions on the north shore of Kauai, I would fantasize about creating a peaceful jungle sanctuary for weary souls.
On a long weekend in Cabo San Lucas, I started writing notes about what my imaginary artists' retreat somewhere in Mexico would look like.
But, the idea really took hold in Bavaria…
For a solid year, I researched long and hard about how I would support myself if I married my then German-boyfriend. My favorite idea was a guest house catering to English speakers—partly because German grammar was kicking my ass and mostly because it felt right.
My time in Germany also taught me just how hungry I was to be an expat at some point in my life.
A temporary pause…
After the German fairy tale ended not-so-happily-ever-after, I placed my dream of building a retreat up on a high shelf to focus on finding a way to support myself back in the U.S.
Nito, my Costa Rican nature guide, silently reminded me never to let my dream die while I focused on starting my own company and went through a re-divorce (a LONG horror story with my ex-husband and two California attorneys as the main characters).
Then, I got lucky—or, rather, some much needed good karma struck.
I fell hard for a guy who also had expat aspirations and, several months later, I landed an outstanding first client.
Over the next six years, not only did I thrive financially, but Ken and I:
- Created our personal checklist for living abroad
- Chose Panamá as our future country
- Went on a reconnaissance mission and chose Playa Venao as our new home
- Found the lot where I'll be building a retreat that shall be called Vista Cañas
My vision for Vista Cañas…
Vista Cañas will be centered on my three deepest passions—nature, books and my fellow woman.
Nature
The nature surrounding the Vista Cañas property was the reason I fell so hard for this place. These are just some of the natural treasures in the immediate area:
- Breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean (AKA the Tuna Coast)
- A huge rice field, a tiny island, and lots of tree-covered mountains
- Unobstructed sunsets
- Monkeys (and so much more)
- A massive (and effectively private) beach with sea caves
- A meandering estuary
- A secluded surf spot
- …and, if you come at the right time, migrating whales and nesting sea turtles
Just beyond the driveway gate are:
- Isla de Cañas (a nature and sea turtle preserve)
- Waterfalls and vistas
- Lots of uncrowded beaches
- Rolling farmland and lush jungle
And, besides nature, there's so much more to see and do…like visiting the quaint town of Pedasí and the tropical island of Isla Iguana, horseback riding and zip lining, taking a permaculture tour, deep sea fishing and surf lessons.
Books
When I was a young girl, my small town library, and the books I borrowed from it, were my sanctuary.
When I was an overworked college student and, later, a harried mom, time to read was one of my most precious commodities.
Today, books still bring the feeling of Christmas to my every day—and are definitely a source of inspiration and fuel for this crazy journey Ken and I are on.
It was an extra special day when I realized that books must be an integral part of my retreat.
So, in addition to nature, Vista Cañas will also have:
- A well-stocked library of books
- Complimentary pre-loaded Kindles
- Strategically placed hammocks
- Secret reading spots
Women
Of course, men will be welcomed with open arms, but the life that I've led and the fires that I've walked through have created a desire to create a safe, empathetic and supportive space for women.
Vista Cañas will actually be the "headquarters" of Tribe XX—an online community I created where women support and encourage each other to live their very best lives, whatever that may look like. (If you're reading this and you're a woman, PLEASE JOIN!)
I am beyond excited for the day when I get to tell every member that they have a sanctuary—to rest, rejuvenate, and heal, to re-balance or regain footing after a divorce, death, or empty nest, to be seen and heard, or just to try new things and have a fun adventure.
If all goes well…
Although I'm chomping at the bit to get started building a retreat (MY retreat 😍), my serious case of mom guilt won't let that happen until my baby girl graduates university in December 2020.
My plan is to move to Playa Venao in mid-January 2021, get residency courtesy of the Friendly Nations Visa, then commence construction.
In the meantime, my architect and I have been hard at work designing Vista Cañas. The main house is done, the two casitas are in progress, and I think we make a great team:
If all goes smoothly, I expect the Vista Cañas Nature & Book Retreat to open in late 2021. But, hey, it's Panamá, so who the heck knows???
What I do know is that I expect issues and imperfections. It'll happen when it's meant to happen…and, I know, it's meant to happen.
Update (April 26, 2023)
Such a bittersweet update...
Several months ago, I made the heart wrenching decision not to open the Vista Cañas Nature & Reading Retreat.
It's been 5-1/2 years since I signed the contract to buy the lot that now has a beautiful house and casita…a contract that stated the lot had water and electricity.
I never dreamed that we would still not have power.
While technically we have water, without power it is a monumental and coordinated effort to get it from the well to our faucets…one that I couldn't do without Ken. Once the one ton generator is loaded onto the truck, it takes HOURS of pumping to get water from the well to one tank, then from that tank to another tank so gravity can take over.
A couple of weeks ago, we received news that leads us to believe that we won't be getting power any time soon. It could be six months…or another five years. 🤷♀️ At $31,000 and no reliable internet option without power to the entire project, solar just doesn't make sense right now.
I also underestimated the toll that building in Panamá would take on my well-into-middle-age sensitive self…and the amount of work there was to be done once construction was finished.
I didn't expect to get a professional opportunity I couldn't turn down with my website design company. And, Panamá has taught me that doing it all isn't worth the cost.
While my decision not to open Vista Cañas was a difficult one, my heart is not broken. In fact, I feel SO much lighter.
Sometimes the gestation period of a dream is so long, that the dreamer is no longer the same person when it is time for it to come true. I am not the same person I was in 2017…in fact, the entire planet has changed.
I've returned to the original mindset I was in when I first decided to move to Panamá…I want a simpler and less expensive life where only a few hours of each day are dedicated to work and the rest are savored. Reading, gardening, long walks on the beach, cooking, and soaking up the ones I love. I need to make self care a higher priority than serving others (I've done enough serving for two lifetimes 😆). This WILL be going down at Vista Cañas.
Rather than force myself to move forward with something that no longer serves me, I chose to have grace with myself instead. This is a huge step for me and it feels good ☺️
I plan on keeping this blog going strong, adding the Panamanian treasures as we continue to explore the country, so it can serve as a solid resource for visitors (and hopefully YOU).
— Operation Expat
The fear I had to face first
Chasing a dream this big meant wrestling with a lot of fear. Here's my honest reckoning with whether fear is a liar—or sometimes a flashlight.
Read "Fear is a Liar. Or is it?" →Subscribe to the Operation Expat Newsletter so you move to Panama with your eyes wide open! →
